You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
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Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
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Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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