I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
