"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
