Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
