I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
