i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
