I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
