How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
