ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
