just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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