fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
