Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Randomize
