Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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