i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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