Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
