her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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