Three words: puerto rican gang bang
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
