ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
