omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
