I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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