shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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