i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
so much tequila, so little girl.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
