Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
