She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
