saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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