How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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