Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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