I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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