I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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