I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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