my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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