Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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