if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i drank out of a bidet.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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