Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Randomize
