how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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