Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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