fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
