Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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