yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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