you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My vagina is officially offended.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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