they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The power of my boobs compel you
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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