She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
