I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
