now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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