I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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