I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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