How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think I sprained my soul last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
