just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Randomize
