I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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