After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
