My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I pour the whiskey from now on
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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