I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
