Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
