So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
