Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
