she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
