He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
