I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
