Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
