I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
