just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
this boner is exhausting
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
