Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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