I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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