And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
