I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
